At 1:05am after inserting earplugs I began the chewing process, I used more leaves than last time but they were smaller in size. I was a bit worried about putting more in, it seemed sufficient but really I was second guessing myself.
At 1:20am I was done and around this time the effects kicked in. I lay back with my blanket over myself, not sure I will use this blanket again as at the end it produced so much static. Closed eyes, but I knew that the effect was wearing of fast coz the dose was less compared to the last time. So I chewed vigorously the remaining bits of Salvia and the shift kicked in (the chewing plays a big part in the activation of Salv A).
Then I wasn't sure my eyes were closed coz my room was suddenly visible. My surrounding bulged in and out of shape very gradually. One side of the wall that was being shifted was bulging out and right about this time it was like something was coercing or suggesting to me that this 'bulging' should be there. I was not having it, and just by recalling what that part of my room looked like I put it back together. I started to blend in with the surrounding (a fragment of the Oneness experience ). I knew that like the first time I was merging into everything, there was no melting just a blending. Around me everything was like play dough, being molded into different shapes, but I knew that originally I was in my bedroom and recalled how this looked and once again I am in the process of putting it all back together. When surrounding looked normal again I was still under the spell but greatly disappointed that I had not gone as deep as I did previously and realized I should've increased the dose, but at the same time there was also something else that was bugging me.
My room was still normal, I however was still blended with the surrounding and then a most startling thing happened. The right side of me that was blended was almost breathing in and out - but I noticed a glitch that I can't describe, a sensation? or a feeling? a sudden undeniable profound knowing.
The realization struck me like a bolt of lightning, my physical surrounding was a figment of someone's imagination. Someone thought this whole environment into being and it was unreal, this both confused me but also made absolute sense. The presence of this Creator was somewhere above me or around me and I was being directed to it. I thought that if I carried on or had gone deeper I would become unreal and all there will be left is the one who thought me into being, the one who imagined me as well as everything else I perceive as reality was about to un-imagine me and when that happened the world that I know would cease to exist. For the first time I am beginning to truly understand what Krishnamurti meant when he said "I am the world and the world is 'me'."
Upon complete return which was around 1:30something AM I was so disappointed didn't bother to jot down any notes so I don't forget details and besides this is not something one easily forgets. I could not understand my disappointment though and I still am unsure about the real cause of this disappointment.
Am I dissapointed coz I didn't take a higher dose and go deeper? Was it the absence of that warm radiation I felt last time? Was it the earplugs? Was my intention not clear enough? Or could it simply be the undeniable fact that I am the figment of someone's imagination?
The answer is probably obvious but really the fact that none of this is real does not bother me or maybe this is what I feel now compared to what I felt during the experience which was what is commonly known as confuzzlement and just agitated.
The fact that all of this reality is unreal serves as an incentive, even though I'm not real at least not in the sense that I always thought I was. Incentive because now I know it's all a game, perhaps for some people a sick joke.
This experience actually helped make sense of what happened in my last experience. In the last experience I think I was so blended in, going too deep too fast that my left brain could not make any rational sense although I was more emotionally aware and was able to make emotional sense. This time that part of the brain was too awake, too alert it's no wonder why I put up some resistance with the shifting surroundings. When I think about it, an analogy to best describe my resistance would be two interior designers or architects in conflict.
For my next Salvia journeying I am going to be more specific with my intention and will be increasing dose - I want to meet the One who imagined me, the One who dreamt me into being. Whether the One is Source, God, Higher Self, Soul, or the Great Spirit does not matter and I find that any label we want to assign to this Great Mind will be increasingly inadequate. With that said I don't want to hold any expectations or let my presumptions of the Source, or any reverence regarding it cloud my judgement because I don't want the experience to be just a projection of everything that I thought up or how I think it should be. So I will make my next trip without a map, the only thing I intend to go equipped with is my destination which is the Source, nothing else, no preconcieved notions, nothing, which means I will have to leave everything that I think I know behind.
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